A Kind of Poison
by Ajora
Summary: Jianliang and Ryo have a male bonding experience, of sorts. Oh dear. Warning for mention of prior D.s relationship.
1. Glances Of What Shouldn't Be

A Kind Of Poison  
Chapter 1: Glances Of What Shouldn't Be  
-by Ajora Fravashi

-Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon. Duh.  
-Warning: This is the story of a relationship through the eyes of an outsider. As such, it is heavily biased. Do keep this in mind.  
-Note: Takes place fourteen years after the D-Reaper incident and ten years after "Infinite Obsession," which is also on this site under the account name "Anokaso." 

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People change a lot over the years. This was a fact that Li Jianliang was quite aware of, having gone through so many subtle changes in his life that it really didn't surprise him when he was reminded of an old friend's not-so-recent arrangement. How could someone who practically championed justice let things go so wrong? 

Okay, so it didn't surprise him, but that didn't mean he had to like it. Once upon a time, he had a crush on Akiyama Ryo. It remained secret, as so many of his personal desires did, and he behaved as if no such thing was even possible. Early on, if anyone noticed a flicker of worry pass over his eyes or any attention paid to rumors about Ryo, it was easily dismissed as the concern of a friend. And, since Ryo seldom ever talked about the truly unpleasant things in his life, Jianliang often had to wrangle information from other sources. Ruki had been the first to attempt to pry anything out of Ryo directly, but even the few facts reluctantly given up were so swaddled in half-truths that it had taken a good deal more investigation and deductive reasoning to extricate the gems of full truth from the rumors and those games supposedly based on Ryo's past. 

Of course, none of those games ever stated Millenniumon's plethora of issues outright. The total disregard of digital life was heavily implied, but the games never actually said he was genocidal. There were hints of the digimon's desire to rise above his kind and become a god, but no one ever said that Millenniumon's mind somehow equated humans with gods and that he wanted to be human as well. One could reconcile oneself with the concept of Millenniumon's rather undefined desire for Ryo, but being smacked upside the head by the reality of it was another thing altogether. Two worlds had nearly been overtaken in the name of, well, whatever it was. Reality had a nasty habit of taking up those half-truths and elaborating on them until the full truth shone with an ugly, entirely unavoidable light. 

Jianliang found that he didn't enjoy reality all that much. In fantasy, the people he wanted to be with would return the feeling. They didn't run off to get married to a _girl_ like Takato had or start sleeping with the enemy, as Jianliang suspected Ryo was doing. They didn't disappear for years at a time and come back with bruises and cuts eerily suggestive of domestic abuse. No, he didn't like reality at all. 

Unfortunately, he had to deal with it anyway. It was all well and good when Ryo was out of reach and everyone thought they'd never see the eldest Tamer again. Then, Jianliang could have been content with would-haves and what-ifs. Then a few years ago Ryo was back from wherever he had been for the past ten years; supposedly "on vacation," as if that was the whole truth and not one of those half-truths that left more questions than answers. With him came a rather odd-looking man with wheat-blond hair and cold, ice-blue eyes. What was particularly odd about him was that he looked neither young or old or even middle-aged, but had an eerily ageless quality to him. This man, introduced as Miroslav Nikanov, remained silent when he accompanied Ryo to the monthly Tamer get-togethers and had a habit of staring down his nose contemptuously at everyone else. When Jianliang had asked what Miroslav did for a living, Ryo had blinked, looked away, and muttered "physicist." He wondered why Ryo had lied, but didn't press the issue at the time. When Miroslav proved to be every bit as forbidding and asocial as he looked, the other Tamers simply stopped trying to talk to him after awhile. Surely some of the others must have wondered why Miroslav insisted on accompanying Ryo and always seemed to hover so possessively over him, but no one else seemed to bother asking. The one time Jianliang had asked, Ryo had again given another of his half-truths, that Miroslav was sick and needed watching. Why was the eldest Tamer being so damn evasive about Miroslav? Was he hiding something? Nevertheless, life would have gone quite well if Shaochung hadn't decided to make it her mission to get Miroslav to talk to them. 

It had been during a private party at the Makino house (Ruki herself tended to abandon the gatherings once she had enough socializing for the day, leaving her mother as the all-too-happy hostess) that they found out who Miroslav really was. Whatever Shaochung said had struck a nerve with the man, and soon everyone in the room turned their heads in surprise as Miroslav started ranting at her. Jianliang could hardly remember what exactly he was ranting about, since shock had already started settling in and he was caught in the unique quandary of cold rationality conflicting with the urge to attack the man for having a go at Shaochung, but at that moment he _knew_. Miroslav's voice was still familiar, despite the fact that none of them had heard it in ten years. Those ice blue eyes flashed a red that would have struck fear into them all ten years ago. "Milek" was the diminutive by which Ryo called Miroslav during the few times they thought they weren't being watched. During those quiet, if rather undemonstrative, moments that betrayed a relationship that Jianliang would have preferred to share with Ryo instead of letting that... that _monster_... 

Milek. Subtract the "k." Mille, then. Short for... 

Millenniumon. 

Shit. 

He remembered what happened afterwards with the sort of detached quality of an old video camera. A brief look of despair passed over Ryo's eyes as he tried to calm Millenniumon down, something Jianliang would not have noticed if he hadn't leapt to Shaochung's side in an attempt to defend her. The noise attracted Ruki, who was working for a security firm at the time, and time seemed to stop when she pulled out an illegal pistol she had confiscated from a yakuza and aimed it at Millenniumon's head. It would have been so easy, wouldn't it? Millenniumon was responsible for that period of terror that started four years after the defeat of the D-Reaper, for nearly killing Takato, for the murder of so many humans and digimon in his quest to regain Ryo. Millenniumon deserved to die and he was never so vulnerable before now. 

Then _why_ did Ryo have to step so calmly in the line of fire? If anyone should want Millenniumon dead, wouldn't it be Ryo? After all, Millenniumon's very existence had practically ruined Ryo's life. It made no sense at all. 

Why? Like it or not, it was starting to add up: the diminutive, the looks of silent understanding and communication that passed between the two when they thought no one was watching, Millenniumon's possessive hovering and the way he seemed to bite down a snarl if anyone got too close to Ryo... It was like something out of a nightmare. People like Ryo weren't supposed to succumb to poison like that. They weren't supposed to sleep with the enemy. 

One comes to realize that addiction to certain kinds of poisons never make any sense. 

Once Ryo had Millenniumon sedated (apparently he kept a syringe on him for just such an event) and Ruki had reluctantly put her pistol away, the explanations finally came. Even if more personal details had been left out, at least it was something. Seventeen years ago, Millenniumon had taken over the Digital World of another universe in his search for something that wasn't there for him during the formative period of a young digimon. Millenniumon's Chosen Child was trained by Gennai and the Holy Beasts to battle him in hopes of defeating him. Circumstances landed them in this universe and, fourteen years ago, Takato and the others were gifted with the ability to actually be able to choose their digimon partners (this was said with significant bitterness on Ryo's part, since he never had that choice). Then, ten years ago, Millenniumon broke the Jogress with Monodramon and went on a rampage reminiscent of his first takeover of another universe's Digital World. It had been his own bond to Ryo that ended up defeating him, and everyone had thought they would never see the trio of Ryo, Millenniumon, and Monodramon again. With both Ryo and Millenniumon too ill to control their shared power, Monodramon made an emergency plea to the ENIAC and had the three recalled. 

From there, Ryo gave even less details. All they learned was that Millenniumon had tried several more times to take over a few worlds, and each time Monodramon and Ryo had to defeat him. Eventually, the ENIAC made a last-ditch effort and had a human clone generated for the occupation of Millenniumon's digicore. The transfer itself went off without a hitch, since Millenniumon had never really been anything more than the projection of a digicore since Ryo destroyed his original body in 2000. Even the former digimon's adjustment to a human body was surprisingly free of hassle. So, naturally, the task of finding antipsychotics that actually worked on Millenniumon's new body was the real problem. 

Which brought them to then. Medication could only go so far in assisting the healing process, but the care of another was said to be far more beneficial. So, the ENIAC had appointed Ryo as Millenniumon's caretaker until such a time that Millenniumon could regain his post without giving in to the urge of killing random digimon or trying to take over the world again. Given that Ryo was familiar enough with his partner that he wouldn't take the usual bullshit a clever digimon like Millenniumon could come up with to convince everyone that he was recovering, the eldest Tamer was naturally the best choice. That was where Ryo dropped the tale. 

For the most part, almost everyone accepted it at first. It certainly wasn't the whole story, but no one was inclined to ask Ryo about it when he already had more on his hands than most people could handle. In the five years since then, Takato had gotten married to one of Juri's friends and then divorced her after a couple of years, Kenta went and got his masters in marine biology, Hirokazu had won a few car races, Ai decided to court Shaochung when they had a bit of free time from their work at Ruki's new security firm, Ruki and Ryo had gotten drunk enough at the wedding party to do something they both regretted and now their kid was the only actual child of any of the Tamers, and- 

Ah, yes, that was where it started. Millenniumon had been so furious about _that_ particular indiscretion that it had taken all the digimon available at the party to hold him down, and his rage was such that he was wholly unintelligible the few times he managed to speak. At least, that was what Lopmon said. Jianliang only vaguely remembered anything that happened because he was busy drinking away his own problems. After all, reality had decided once again to remind him of his bachelor status and of all the injustice in the world. They were all very fortunate that the former digimon was allowed so little of his original power. 

After that incident, Ryo's appearances at the monthly gatherings were sporadic at best, and once an entire two years passed before he'd turn up again. When asked about it, he always responded with "I was busy" or "Sorry, business trip. Couldn't come along."When asked about the bruises he always came with, he shrugged them off as inconsequential and blamed it on his clumsiness. After all, the-job-with-no-name was very taxing on his reserves. That didn't make sense, though, since Ryo wasn't the kind of person one would think of as clumsy. And again, the question of "why" haunted him. The answers to that "why" haunted him even more. It was one thing to pretend Millenniumon had actually become human and might even act like a decent one on a good day, if he was inclined to be optimistic. It was quite another thing to realize that some poisons remain in the body for years and never change their composition. Quite another thing to realize that Millenniumon had most likely never actually changed and was taking out his predisposition for violence on his own partner. The only person he voiced this hypothesis to was Shaochung, whom he was sure wouldn't mention it to the others before he had a chance to gather real evidence. 

Therefore, it was only natural that Shaochung picked last week's gathering to point it out, when Jianliang still had nothing more tangible to support his hypothesis than the bruises Ryo kept lying about and Millenniumon's past behavioral record. She was getting to be quite intrusive and insisted on revealing it all to the group regardless of Jianliang's misgivings over saying anything outright. Ruki simply gave a snort and said that Ryo and Millenniumon deserved each other, and Jianliang suspected that she was still offended over being denied the right to kill Millenniumon while he was still weak. Considering the conclusions Jianliang had come to as well as the lives lost during the war, he would have appreciated to opportunity to kill Millenniumon as well. Ruki was, after all, a proud and strong woman, and being unable to take her revenge surely must have hurt. Kenta's concern was dampened by having to force Hirokazu to sit down lest he and Takato run off to that backwater town Ryo lived at, and probably splatter themselves on a mountain road more dangerous than Hirokazu's race courses. Takato had to be held down by Ruki once Jianliang had to explain what Shaochung was getting at with her attempt at subtext, since his first urge was to go charging as if he were a knight in shining armor. At least that charming aspect of Takato never changed. Ai, having never really gotten to know Ryo that well, didn't say much of anything. She did, however, show some sympathy for Shaochung's plight. 

The meeting had lasted most of the night, and only Takato had left briefly to tuck the group mascot into bed and return with a tray of pastries. They discussed the situation, avenues of approach and intervention, what to do and how to handle it all. Takato and Hirokazu would try their little rescue plan, and if that didn't work, they believed Jianliang could reason with Ryo. After that, well, who knows. Maybe they might even let Ruki have revenge for them all with a well-placed bullet. 

The Takato/Hirokazu plan failed spectacularly when they realized that no one had a clear idea where Ryo and Millenniumon had hidden themselves. When Takato had finally gotten in touch with Ryo through e-mail, he was told on no uncertain terms that the situation was perfectly fine and Ryo knew what he was doing. This didn't allay Hirokazu's mood, but Takato was optimistic enough to accept it. And so, Jianliang was next in the mission to pry Ryo and Millenniumon apart, or at least find out what was really going on. After all, one does not allow one's friend to fall into an abusive and poisonous relationship. 

Which led him to now. Ryo had proven more amiable to his e-mail than he had to Takato's, and given him an address at which to meet him. It was some little bar called Shuan in Tokamachi, from the looks of it, and he was told to come alone. Okay, it was only some backwater town in the middle of nowhere compared to Tokyo, but the JR Iiyama line _did_ run through it, so it shouldn't be too hard to get to. He just hoped reason would work where pleading could not. 

Jianliang took a deep, calming breath as his eyes set upon the western horizon with grim determination. Once he confronted Ryo, he would ask his questions and demand the whole truth, even if the truth tasted like ash and venom. He wouldn't allow for any more evasion. And, while he did have a personal interest in separating Millenniumon from Ryo, he was far more concerned with getting the abuse to stop. Come hell or high water, he would do _something_ about the situation. This kind of thing should never be allowed to go on. 

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-Note: Miroslav is a Slavic name meaning "great glory" and has the diminutive "Milek." It was chosen because Mille and Milek sound similar enough that Ryo can usually avoid calling him "Millenniumon" outright ("Mille" converts to "Mire" in katakana, and "Milek" converts to "Mireku"). It tends to be a touchy subject. 


	2. Shadows That Hide The Way

A Kind Of Poison  
Chapter 2: Shadows That Hide The Way  
-by Ajora Fravashi

-Disclaimer - If you believe I own the rights to Digimon, you are a moron.

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In comparison to most Japanese cities, Tokamachi was small, quaint, and blissfully laid-back in the mid-afternoon. The mountain breeze tickled his senses with the unfamiliar odor of fresh air and, with the advent of autumn, that breeze carried a distinct chill. The leaves of local deciduous trees were turning a brilliant orange-red, lending credence to his suspicion that the town served more as a tourist attraction than anything else. It was rather nice, all things considered. Nice enough to almost forget-

The tinny little jingle of his cell phone penetrated his reverie and demanded attention. With a sigh, he pulled it from a pocket and hoped whoever was calling would at least get it over with soon.

"Li Jianliang, I hope you realize what an incredibly stupid thing you're doing by agreeing to go alone." Ruki's voice was nearly ice over the phone, making him wonder vaguely if she was more worried than she let on. "Why didn't you take any of the digimon?"

Oh great, an impeding argument with Ruki now, just before the one he expected once he confronted Ryo, was just what he needed. "Don't you need them for that raid you've been planning for weeks now? The one that's supposed to happen _tonight_?"

"You know we can spare one." There was a brief pause in which he could faintly imagine her preparing to verbally rip into him. "We already lost too many to Millenniumon, we're not going to lose you too-"

"I'm meeting Ryo at a pub in neutral territory. I don't think Millenniumon would have much of an opportunity to do anything more than glare daggers at me. And he's human now, so even if he did turn up to attack, I believe I'm adequate enough in martial arts that I can defend myself."

Ruki muttered something that sounded more like a mix of disgust and amusement than anything else before responding. "Careful, you're starting to sound like Ryo. See where _that_ kind of self-confidence got him? Stuck in a dog collar with Millenniumon holding the leash."

Jianliang winced at the thought. Bad mental image! ...Kind of nice, though, if he ignored the Millenniumon factor. Ugh. "Yes, well," he started, then cut the sentence off before he gave into the urge to make a sarcastic response, and bringing up the fact that the joke was in poor taste would be pointless right now. "Nevermind. Have any messages you want passed along that don't include death threats?"

"Well, besides the usual 'I hate you and hope your own minions kill you as slowly and horribly as possible' for Millenniumon and 'You're a fucking moron for ever letting Millenniumon get his dirty claws on you' for Ryo, let me think about it."

A brief hint of a smile tugged at the corner of Jianliang's lips at that. All things considered, Ruki seemed to be taking it rather well. "Anything else?"

"Takato forgot to mention that the authors' copies of his and Shaochung's manga are coming in next week, so if Ryo wants one, say something before your little sister goes and passes them out to the entire firm." Ruki paused for a moment, then spoke with a tone that held a hint of malicious glee. "Oh, and he _has_ to be here on New Year's Eve or I will personally pay him a visit and use his own whip on him. That should be it for now because I, for one, have something important to do."

"Naturally. Good luck with the raid."

"You're the one who needs luck. It's going to take a lot of that to do what you've been planning."

"Glad to see you have so much confidence in me," he replied with a half-smile.

"Always. You _will_ report back to me when you're done with this fiasco. No excuse. If I don't hear from you by 9 p.m., I will order Ai and Shaochung to send the rescue party after you. And do be careful." With that, Ruki hung up.

Rather grateful that the call hadn't ended in the argument he had expected, Jianliang returned to the task of finding the pub. Fortunately, it was not all that hard to come across since the instructions were easy to follow. Now if only Ryo would be that effortless to deal with. It was probably too much to hope for.

Shuan was a quaint little hole-in-the-wall type pub nestled at an intersection a few blocks away from the train station. Its signs were modest, traditional affairs with hand-painted calligraphy on both the white Chinese-style lantern hanging to the left of the entrance and the wooden board nailed to the right. Inside, past the sliding wood and paper door, was a space with neatly ordered rows of tables and chairs that could probably hold fifty people at the most. Faintly Jianliang wondered if it had ever hosted any group with numbers over half that amount. And, at this point in the afternoon, the only people in the pub were seated on either side of the bar proper and seemed to be chatting in that comfortable manner of those who had known each other for awhile. The barkeeper who doubled as cook was a small, thin man with diminishing streaks of black in his grey hair and the leathery skin of someone who spent his youth behind a plow. Seated on the customers' side of the bar was a very familiar figure in a black leather motorcycle jacket with matching boots and pants, a faded blue shirt, and the kind of red scarf one would only find in older seasons of Kamen Rider or on Justimon. Jianliang's eyebrows rose at that and wondered faintly just who did all the shopping for Ryo. Really, Ryo did not seem the type to pick out black leather on his own, even if he did look good in it.

The old barkeeper was the first to notice Jianliang and excused himself from the conversation briefly to bow formally to the young man. "Welcome! I regret to inform you of this, but we don't formally open until six in the evening. Please do come back later."

"Don't worry, he's with me," said the eldest Tamer with a rather impish grin on his face as he turned to wave at Jianliang. "Just put everything on my tab. Oh, and before I forget: Akiyama Nobuyoshi, this is Li Jianliang."

Jianliang and the old man he was introduced to bowed to each other respectfully. As Akiyama Nobuyoshi placed a bottle of sake before them and excused himself to grant them some privacy under the excuse of checking inventory, Jianliang wondered at the name. Ryo had other relatives? Why hadn't he heard anything about this? More to the point... "So, where's your shadow?"

Ryo gave a wry half-smile at the question. Jianliang was never one for much small-talk, so it came as no surprise that this was the first thing he asked. "He discovered the pleasures of getting thoroughly trashed on drugs that have long gone out of style for this time period. Good thing you e-mailed when you did, or I'd have to listen to him ramble on the harmonies of subatomic particles for the next few hours."

"What drug," Jianliang asked as he fought down the urge to frown at this new information. Not only was Millenniumon an arrogant bastard with a penchant to insult anyone who wasn't Ryo and was most likely abusing his own partner, but now he was apparently a drug addict too. As if Millenniumon needed any more revulsive traits.

"Eh, some green liquor that smells like Juri's floral perfumes, back when-... Well, he calls it 'la Fée Verte.' I knew that trip to France was a bad idea." Ryo paused for a moment to glance at Jianliang, then wondered faintly what the worry on the boy's face was all about. "At least it calms him and he actually stays lucid, so I won't complain."

They sat in silence afterwards, which was only interrupted by sips of warm sake ever so often. Jianliang's eyes wandered a bit as he toyed with seeds of thought that had yet to reach full realization. A tiny little pub with no one else around wasn't exactly as public as he'd like, but it was the only neutral territory Ryo would agree to meet at. There was a chance of running into the other Tamers in Tokyo, which he didn't want to do because he'd never get around to saying things that needed to be said, or risk Millenniumon's ire by visiting that little cottage he and Ryo shared, and Jianliang would really rather not deal with either factors at the moment. Even if Millenniumon _was_ happily sedated with a glass of absinthe.

Time to break the ice. "It's been awhile since we've actually talked."

"Yeah. I think you're the only one that still bothers to contact me without wanting to bite my head off or guilt-trip me out of my choices." Ryo flashed a quick grin. "Not that I've ever been very easy to find."

The tiniest of smiles quirked on Jianliang's lips in response. "I'm not so sure. You've always been an e-mail away."

Ryo gave a noncommittal grunt and poured another cup of sake. "When I'm not on assignment, anyway. So, what did you really want to talk about?"

With a sigh, Jianliang lowered his tiny sake cup to the table's surface. It had to be said sooner or later. "Every time I see you, you have a new bruise with no explanation how it got there. Hell, you were even _limping_ at one point. You don't come to visit the rest of us as much as you used to. And when you do decide to visit, that ba- ... Millenniumon hovers like he owns you and then stares at the rest of us like we're bugs to be squashed. All of us know what he wants of you, and we've pretty much come to the conclusion that he finally got what he wanted. Repeatedly. We know you don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend, and haven't had one since the ENIAC made Millenniumon human. And I'll have you know that while you and Ruki were making up for years of sexual tension after Takato's party, all the digimon had to restrain _your_ partner from destroying anything. There are people who would be much better suited for you. I came to tell you that we're worried."

"So what exactly are you saying," Ryo asked with a carefully neutral tone.

"All the signs suggest that he has been abusing you." Fighting the urge to flinch at the very thought, the younger man plowed onwards. "It's been five years, long past the time you said was allocated for his recovery. Why else would you stick with him?"

Silence descended as Ryo mulled over Jianliang's words. There was a certain truth in them, but it was never that severe, was it? Perhaps it was time to explain everything, after all. "Well, that's not entirely true. But it's not all false either. It's complicated. If you want to spare yourself a headache, we can drop the subject."

Jianliang straightened attentively. At least he'd finally get some real answers. "No, I'll stay."

"Very well." Ryo finished off his cup of sake before continuing, then used the tiny cup as something to fidget with as he explained. "First, the injuries are pretty much my fault. He'll end up saying or doing something that riles me up, I attack him, and he retaliates. Sometimes he ends up with more bruises than I do." A tiny smirk crossed Ryo's face at that, but it soon disappeared as he went on. "In the early stages, just looking at him would piss me off. I don't suppose you'd understand what it's like to be partnered with someone like him and then expected to take care of him just because he's sick in the head. We've had a very long, very venomous history. When the ENIAC decided to make him human, I thought I'd be rid of him the moment he didn't need antipsychotics anymore.

"Now for the second part: I know he loves me, and despite several years trying to persuade him otherwise, there's nothing I can do to change it. During the early stages, I fought his advances and refused to let him touch me. After awhile I eventually gave in out of sheer hormonal desperation, because at the time he was the only one around who was willing and compatible. At the very least, he knows I can't love him back and doesn't make an issue about it. That's something surprisingly few people are willing to accept. The few times I have dated someone, they wanted what I couldn't give them. Milek doesn't expect or ask for me to return his feelings. He's not as possessive as he used to be before the change, so most of his possessiveness and verbal abuse now is an act of old habits. Finally, despite outward appearance, he's still my digimon partner, in spirit if not body. I can no sooner abandon him than cut off my own shadow. Yes, he has done horrible things, and I still haven't gotten over some of those things, but I will stand by him."

A sigh escaped Jianliang before he gathered the wits enough to prevent it. Well, his chances were certainly dwindling. "But he's not good for you." It sounded so much more pathetic when he spoke those words aloud.

"Who's to say anyone is bad for anyone else to be involved with," Ryo asked philosophically as he continued to toy with the sake cup.

"He's your worst enemy. He killed humans and digimon in cold blood, nearly destroyed entire worlds-"

The tiny cup was set down upon the bar with enough force to break Jianliang's diatribe. He blinked in surprise as he glanced at Ryo, who was pointedly staring at the cup and nowhere else. What was that about? Before he could ask, however, he was answered.

"There was something he told me once, after the breaking. 'He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster.' Wanna know why he said that?"

Wait. Of course he'd like to know, but... "Well, yes, but what's that about 'breaking'?"

Ryo closed his eyes and frowned slightly. "Sorry, I never mentioned it. Wouldn't mention it at all, but he's not around to hear and I know you won't repeat anything I've said. People with Milek's disorder... They're so caught up in themselves that they don't see other people as equals. They have little or no empathy whatsoever. The only other people they have any consideration for are those they actually deem worthy of respect. I was the only one he ever respected, and because of that he would only listen to me."

"That's nice, but what does-" Jianliang began, then mentally smacked himself for his sarcasm. "Sorry. Go on."

"It's okay." Ryo started playing with the cup again, turning it between his fingers as his eyes became unfocused. "Well, once the ENIAC figured that out, I had to strike him down psychologically because I was the only one Milek would listen to. Tore down every delusion he had, shattered his view of the universe, forced him to see what he really was. It was hard. It hurt." There was a pause as the eldest Tamer swallowed down what sounded like a lump in his throat. Briefly Jianliang wanted to reach out and comfort him, but the temptation was quickly squashed. "And when he said that, I realized how easily it could have been me in his place. I was just lucky because I had never gone through the exact same things he did."

"But you haven't-" Jianliang nearly jumped when the cup dropped and Ryo's fist suddenly fell on it, leaving it in a myriad of white sherds on dark polished wood.

"Killed?" Ryo asked the sherds. His voice was weird now, distant. It always seemed to get that way when Ryo talked about his time before meeting the other Tamers. "I've killed before. Several times. The Holy Beasts of the other world made me the perfect soldier, you know. I never questioned my orders back then. 'The good of the many outweigh the lives of a few.' So am I really so different from him?"

With a sigh, Jianliang tried to compose his thoughts. He knew from the start that this wasn't going to be easy, but did Ryo really have to make it more difficult than it should have been? "Do you ever regret those sacrifices?"

"Of course."

"Then by that alone you're better than him." It rather was a clumsy attempt, but it was something.

Ryo said nothing, seemingly content to stare at the cup's sherds. The silence that hung between them now was an uncomfortable thing that encouraged Jianliang to follow a train of thought that he really did not enjoy.

In the past half-hour he had heard more truth from Ryo than he had for the past few years. While it was still a bit baffling that Ryo would even defend his former nemesis, Jianliang was forced to realize that something else was going on. Sympathy perhaps, or guilt. Those were the only reasons he could gather for Ryo remaining with Millenniumon that way. Loyalty was nice and all, but one could still refuse such advances. Unless there was rape involved, but-

"It's 5:30:35 p.m. We should probably head out and let Nobuyoshi start setting up the place for tonight."

Jianliang blinked as his train of thought got derailed. He hadn't noticed Ryo looking at a watch. Bemused, he took a glance at his own and wondered how Ryo could be so accurate without an available timepiece. "Er, I suppose so."

In curiosity he watched as Ryo's friendly, happy mask settled in when Nobuyoshi was called out from the storeroom and apologies for the broken cup were made. Then, as if someone had thrown a switch, the discussion between the two Akiyamas became completely unintelligible. Completely bewildered, Jianliang could only stare as they spoke a language he had never heard before. It _sounded_ Japanese, except for those points where sounds were spoken that didn't exist in Japanese, but he couldn't make heads or tails of it. All he could tell was that the barkeeper wasn't at all upset with Ryo, seemed to be requesting something that Ryo agreed to, and there were sounds of what looked to be farewells before Nobuyoshi disappeared behind a door and Ryo turned to watch him warily.

"Do you want to continue this elsewhere," Ryo asked a little too hopefully. How peculiar.

"Why can't we stay here?"

"Because Nobuyoshi's daughter comes in to work at six, and I would really prefer to be elsewhere." Once he recognized Jianliang's inquisitive look, Ryo's voice took on a rather sheepish tone. "She, er, fancies me and isn't really my type."

Jianliang merely blinked at that. Did Ryo completely fail to notice that he seldom ever let anyone into his personal space, or the looks? What did the girl do to get Ryo to notice she was interested, whack him with a club? More to the point... "Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't she related to you?"

It was Ryo's turn to look bewildered. "No! What gave you that idea?"

"You and her father have the same surname, and you act familiar around him." It was a logical conclusion!

"Oh." Much to his surprise, Ryo actually chuckled for a moment. It was genuine. "Nobuyoshi's family comes from a group of villages about thirty kilometers south of here called Akiyama. So did mine, a few hundred years ago. Thing was, those villages was a refuge camp for defeated soldiers during the Edo period, and over time they all took on the collective name for the villages as their own. Probably to shed any past allegiances with the warlords of the time. So, the Akiyama name stuck, but most of us are completely unrelated. Believe it or not, in the village I'm staying in there are at least three people named Akiyama Ryo, two of which are women."

A comfortable smile settled on Jianliang's features. Almost like old times, before the war. "Ah, so you did choose to hide from your fandom. I wondered why you moved to some backwater village."

"Hiding in plain sight." Ryo actually gave him a quick smile before leading him out of the pub. Oddly enough, Jianliang hardly noticed being led out at all. It was nice when Ryo's smiles weren't fake. "The locals don't even know what digimon are, let alone care to know. I'm just the man who occasionally runs errands to town for the elderly and provides the entertainment."

"Entertainment?"

Ryo paused to straddle a rugged old motorcycle that seemed worse for wear. It was painted dark blue for the most part, but patches of tougher camouflage-patterned paint showed through in places where the blue had chipped away. "We'll probably never completely diminish Milek's anger issues, but kendo matches seem to help redirect the worst of it. When he's really mad I give him his bokken, yank him outside, and we fight for awhile. Once the villagers got used to seeing us, they started taking bets the outcomes and it became something regular. They love us for it, Milek works out his anger, I get some practice in defending myself, and we get free food. Everyone wins."

Jianliang's smile faded with the mention of Millenniumon, though he didn't think Ryo even noticed. Hell, Ryo was even _humming_ as he pulled a couple of motorcycle helmets from the pile of random junk in the sidecar. It was probably better not to remark on it quite yet.

"Where are we going?"

"Oh, just the cultural center to drop something off for one of the staff members. It starts getting quiet around this time and we can get away with hanging around to talk for as long as necessary." Ryo offered him a helmet with an impish grin. "If you want to come along. Don't you wanna take a ride with me?."

Cautiously he took the helmet and stared down at it. Jianliang didn't know why he was nervous, since Ryo hadn't drunk anything more than the few sips a small sake cup would allow and it took a lot more to get the older man drunk, but he was. Maybe it was because so much of this was still puzzling him and he still hadn't come to a satisfactory conclusion. Maybe it was because, even with what he knew, he had no idea what to do. He had hesitated before and lost Takato to Juri, later to Juri's friend, and most recently to Ruki. But then, he never really had a chance with someone who was actually straight. With a scant few people to choose from and Ryo's bisexuality never in question...

Impulsiveness was seldom something he indulged in, but when he looked up to catch Ryo's elfin blue eyes glancing curiously at him, he gave in to it for the first time in a very long while.

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- Note: Ryo's bike is a rather old military issue URAL IMZ-8.107 heavy motorcycle. Given that it's built to withstand the worst any terrain or war can offer, I figured it would be suitable for Ryo to have one, even if it has survived a few battles. It has also turned up in my other fic series, Knight of Swords.

The dialect Ryo speaks with Nobuyoshi is properly termed the Koakazawa dialect, though in previous centuries it was known as the Akiyama language. Some linguists believe it developed in the middle of the Edo period, circa 1700's, when the colony was founded.

PS - This has gotten much longer than I planned, so there will be two more chapters after this one.


	3. Transfixed Before The Doors Of Time

A Kind Of Poison  
Chapter 3: Transfixed Before the Doors of Time  
- by Ajora Fravashi

- Disclaimer - I see dead people. I do not, however, see anyone paying me for this tripe.  
- Warning: Material may be considered disturbing for those unfamiliar with D/s (dominant/submissive) relationships.  
- Note: I was iffy about adding the "Romance" subcategory to this monster because I don't really think of hormone-driven encounters to be very romantic, but it's better to be safe than sorry.

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It would have been a nice ride through a beautiful countryside, if Jianliang hadn't been focusing on other things. With the way his mind was reviewing the recent conversation and his body was trapped between hanging on for dear life while trying to enjoy the position he was in, there was precious little time to acknowledge anything else. Of course, he would shuffle the physical sensation of closeness to the back of his mind to be used for later introspection while he pondered other things. At the very least, he could get away with using the bike's age and his natural distrust of the things as an excuse for clinging so closely to Ryo during the ride.

He had never been a touchy-feely type person. That was really what _other_ people did, not him. He didn't even let people get too close unless he trusted them. Therefore, he had wondered time and again as a child why his personal space tended to disappear completely in Ryo's presence and he never even minded. Ryo had always been a mystery he had been unable to crack, and as far as he could tell at the time, trusting Ryo was the first step in getting the older boy to reveal more than he was hiding. It had been a logical assumption until he realized that Ryo was very good at hiding the more unpleasant facts under fabrications, half-truths, and words meant to reassure and thus take the attention off anything the older boy didn't want to reveal. By the time Jianliang fully noticed this habit, he had been vying with Juri over Takato's attentions and Ruki decided that dating Ryo wasn't such a bad thing after all.

In retrospect, it had been rather obtuse of him to ignore what had been the early traces of attraction, especially when the war started so soon afterwards. With the deaths of several of their own members, Takato's brush with death and Ryo's abduction during the war, all the relationships changed drastically. Takato sought comfort with Ruki, who seemed to be subconsciously adopting Ryo's protective streak and exacerbating it with her own experiences. While they grew closer, Jianliang felt even more like a third wheel than he had when Juri was... when she was still around. Hirokazu and Kenta were always doing their own thing. And when the trio of Ryo, Millenniumon and Monodramon had disappeared from this reality entirely, it had hurt too much for him to attribute it to the loss of just a friend.

At that point, Ryo had gone from just another enigma to someone he enjoyed being around. When they got to know each other a bit better after the D-Reaper fiasco, they had spent hours over an internet chat program just discussing game systems and what constituted a good strategy game. There was a surprising similarity in the kind of games they enjoyed, though Ryo's tactics tended to be of the "throw everything and the kitchen sink at the final boss" school of thought while he preferred to think things out and strike where the boss was weakest while still keeping his party members alive. In certain games, it was quite fun trying to demolish Ryo's defenses while the older boy focused more on targeting Jianliang's generals, and was thus surprised when his healers were gone and his opponent's armies were wiping his own all over the battlefield.

When Ryo had disappeared and Takato and Ruki were doing their little mating dance that neither would admit to until many years later, Jianliang was fairly certain that he and Ryo would have made a good couple. They got along well, had similar hobbies, Ryo was really quite attractive, and they were compatible orientation-wise. Funny that, Jianliang was much relieved when he admitted to being gay to Ryo during one of those chat session and Ryo had given him a virtual pat and confessed to being bisexual... After, of course, almost scaring him with the "I'm not gay" line. It was immediately followed up with "but I'm not straight, either." After so much doubt and knowing that practically everyone else in their group was straight or female, it was the easiest coming-out he'd ever have. It was, unfortunately, these things he kept obsessing over after Ryo's disappearance and his repeated failures to find anything more than a few one-night stands and futile semi-relationships in college.

There were so many reasons to explain why he was here, clinging a little too closely to Ryo on a banged-up antique motorcycle going at some undoubtedly dangerous speed down the national highway 405, but he wouldn't admit to the personal reasons quite yet. He would have even been content to have the older man more or less in his arms in such a manner had the spectre of Millenniumon not been hovering in the back of his mind. It just wasn't fair.

Eventually, the bike slowed to a stop behind a weather-worn lodge that had apparently been retrofitted to serve as a cultural center and tourist trap. As reluctant as he was to do so, Jianliang unwrapped his arms from Ryo's torso to remove his helmet and hoped that Ryo wouldn't notice him watching while the older man did the same.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, the more logical part of himself was slapping his forehead with a palm in disgust over the ridiculous turn his thoughts had taken. "Romance" wasn't really what he wanted, except the concept seemed less and less like an impossibility. It would be so easy to fall in love with Akiyama Ryo, if he hadn't already. Things were complicated enough.

Once the helmets were placed back in the sidecar and a package was taken out, he followed as Ryo trotted up to the back door to knock and did his best to keep his eyes off of certain body parts. Better to not follow that particular train of thought at the moment, especially when embarrassing himself by acting like a hormone-driven teenager was the last thing he wanted to do.

Introductions were made to a fairly older staff as soon as they were inside, then the Akiyamas promptly dropped into their own dialect as the package was opened and medicine bottles were passed around. It was then that Jianliang noticed something peculiar: Ryo had been more or less on edge just before the war with Millenniumon, waiting for something to happen and covered up the stress with those fake smiles and reassurances of his. Here, where no one knew of his past or any fate more dire than a natural death, Ryo was free from having to hide his scars. No one here asked questions that would open up old wounds, and he was free to forget. _That,_ therefore, was why he usually skirted the issue of his past around the other Tamers: they simply knew too much, and harder they pried the less he liked it. He usually faked happiness around them, and this never really disappeared.

It made a lot of sense. Now that Jianliang had a better understanding for why Ryo tended to be defensive when approached about his past, he could finally figure out a roundabout way to convince his friend that Millenniumon was bad for him.

When the last of the medicine bottles were passed around and Ryo excused them from the natives' presence, he followed as the older man walked towards an empty meeting room. Right now he would just talk like they had before it all went to hell. A harmless subject presented itself when he realized that he was staring again.

"Hey, Ryo," he said as he followed Ryo out to the open deck and stood nearby. He crossed his arms over the rail and turned his attention from the scenic view to Ryo's face. Well, at least Ryo seemed happy to be in his element. "When did you realize that you liked guys too?"

Ryo blinked in surprise at him, but didn't seem particularly bothered by the question. "Well, it's sorta weird, actually. When I was about eleven or so, Mom and I used to watch this show called Kamen Rider Kuuga." A sudden grin appeared on Ryo's face at the memory. "I had the biggest crush on one of the main characters, Detective Ichijou Kaoru. He was strong, handsome, intelligent, well-mannered, commanding, loyal, and went above and beyond the call of duty for Yuusuke. I got into the fandom and discovered yaoi doujinshi, which Mom actually caught me with."

Sorely tempted to snicker at the mental image of a young Ryo trying to hide pornography from his mother, Jianliang instead suppressed the urge with a question. "How'd she take it?"

"Surprisingly well after lecturing me about my choice of reading material. It was funny: there I was, scared to death that I'd be punished, and she went and told me that her brother was gay, so she'd be supportive if I was too. Then came the talk about the birds and the bees and all that. Dad wasn't too thrilled about it, but he always obeyed Mom." Ryo's smile faded a bit. "I even thought I was that way until I met Ruki. How about you? When did you figure it out?"

Jianliang frowned slightly. It wasn't something he would like to talk about, but he supposed it was fair. "My first crush hit when I was ten and oblivious to the notion that not everyone liked their best friends that way. He was sweet, considerate, creative, sensitive, and cuter than any boy our age had any right to be."

"Takato, right?"

"Right." He grimaced at that. Some things just weren't good topics for him. "I kept wanting him to notice me, but there was always Juri. And he was happy with Juri, so I didn't say anything then." _And when you came along,_ he wanted to say, _I thought I could have had a chance._

Ryo had the good sense to wince at that. "First love, and it had to be on someone straight. I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

"I had it easy," Ryo stated simply as he gazed out at the scenery. His eyes took on a rare, soft quality now. "My first love was someone a year younger than me. He was a genius, though, so it probably wasn't any surprise that he caught onto my attachment and initiated the relationship. We experimented with things we really shouldn't have at our age, I was certain that we were in love, and then the universe pulled the ultimate prank on me and killed him."

There was little more to do than blink in astonishment at that revelation. "But how exactly was that easier than longing for someone who will never return the favor?"

"Because one moment of perfect beauty is worth it." Ryo's lips quirked at some in-joke Jianliang didn't catch. "Even when he's dead, I'll always have those memories."

Silence fell after a sigh from Jianliang, and this was punctuated only by the cries of local birds. This really wasn't turning out to be as easy as he had hoped, and the mention of the dead boy certainly didn't help his mood. Was that what Ryo meant when he said that the people he dated wanted what he couldn't give them? Even after all this time, was Ryo still pining for this boy? If so, that was depressing for both their love lives. Or lack thereof.

"I never did ask how your parents took it. Did you ever come out to them?" The older man glanced at him in a manner that suggested that having to bring up the dead boy hadn't bothered him in the least.

"They took it pretty well, and my parents were always pretty open minded about things like that. With three other siblings, there wasn't any expectation for me to carry on the family name."

"And the team? Last time I heard, you'd only told Ruki."

Jianliang smiled slightly at the memory. "Ruki was great about it. She'd even offered to kick my ass for me if I didn't tell Takato myself, and hired Shaochung to follow me until I did. You wouldn't believe the knot I tied my innards into until I finally told him."

"One of your endearing qualities," Ryo said with a decidedly impish look on his face. "You really shouldn't worry yourself sick like that, you'll end up looking older than you are."

After sticking his tongue out at the teasing tone, he continued. "Right. Anyway, Takato was supportive, but didn't panic like you always see in those yaoi manga you collect-"

"Hey, I don't collect yaoi manga. Just the doujinshi. They usually cut to the chase and I don't have to wade through entire books of silly angst written by a woman with no clear idea of how men really react." A vaguely disgruntled look crossed Ryo's face at that. "Sorry, it's something that annoys me."

"I'll keep that in mind for Christmas." Jianliang suddenly smirked at the thought of handing Ryo a copy of some insipid yaoi manga with all the worst stereotypes as a joke gift. They used to do that kind of thing as teenagers, and it would be nice return to that habit. He still had to pay Ryo back for the horrible dating simulation game. "But, Takato didn't panic, or break off the friendship. All he said was that it was sad that he couldn't feel the same way, but nothing else has changed. After that, telling the others was easy."

Ryo smiled as he leaned against the railing, it was one of those genuine types that washed away the subtle tension. "Your group always was the best."

The sun was setting now as they watched on in the comfortable silence that followed Ryo's words. Well, as nice as this was, Jianliang would have to hurry things up. "Ryo?"

"Hm?"

He took in a deep breath before continuing. "What do you look for in a potential girlfriend or boyfriend?"

"Huh?" Ryo blinked in surprise at the question, then took a moment to think before answering. "Intelligence, level-headed thinking even when things are grim, a certain amount of detachment, spiky hair for some reason. Don't ask why. Strength, self-confidence, maturity, loyalty, the ability to stand up for him or herself." Though this all was very encouraging, Jianliang knew better than to be too hopeful about his chances. "Aggression, I guess. Quickest way to get my attention is to challenge me, or smack me. It's not that I really look for them, it's that those just seems to be the common traits the few people I've been with have had. Why'd you ask?"

"I'm just trying to figure out why you're in that kind of relationship with Millenniumon." _And to make sure I'm anything like what you're usually interested in,_ though he'd never say that aloud.

Unfortunately, this elicited exactly the sort of response that he expected from Ryo: the tension returned to the older man's stance. "What do you want to hear? That he somehow coerced me into it and rapes me on a regular basis? It's already clear that you still think he beats me."

"Ryo, you're my friend. I just want to know you're safe and happy. Is that really so much to ask for?"

"What would you do if the answer isn't to your liking?" Ryo cocked his head at his quizzical expression. "I can pretty much guarantee you'll lose all respect for me if you get those answers."

With a brow furrowing in concern over the clearly self-deprecating tone in Ryo's voice, he responded. "There is nothing you could do that would make me lose respect for you."

"Very well then." Ryo's eyes turned to the horizon and took on that far-off quality. "Think of it as a business deal. He gives me what I want, I give him what he wants." There was a brief pause as Ryo mulled over his thoughts. "Since you're going to ask about it anyway, I might as well tell you. Imagine being a soldier trained since childhood to fight and take orders without question. The superiors kept you too busy to worry about anything other than surviving. And when they're gone, there are no more orders. When the enemy has joined your side, there are no more battles. Without Gennai and the Holy Beasts of the other world, I was lost. With Millenniumon as an ally, I was without a reason to fight. Sure, this universe's Digital World and the D-Reaper gave me a purpose for awhile, but without a real authority figure to order me around, I just felt like a fish out of water. The ENIAC just isn't commanding enough. Ruki was nice, but ultimately she would never agree to what I needed and I really can't blame her. In the end, only Milek had the personality and willingness suitable for playing commander. He gives me direction, the opportunity to act without having to think, those fights that result in the bruises you guys are all too willing to dismiss as domestic abuse, and the feeling that someone actually feels enough to take care of me. I give him a capable soldier, the opportunity to order someone around within preset limits, and deflect the majority of his anger during those fights. Before you start thinking that he abuses the trust expected from our roles, I'll have you know that he has never intentionally hurt me. His minions have, yes, but even during the time I was working for Gennai and the Holy Beasts of the other world, he never tortured me."

There really wasn't much Jianliang could say in response to that. No wonder Ryo thought he'd lose all respect for him and was constantly evading the question of his relationship with Millenniumon: a taste for playing submissive wasn't something most people would be proud of admitting to. However, it did make sense, especially when Ryo had been trained for that kind of thing since he was eleven years old. Well, hell, at that age the only thing Jianliang was concerned with was school, Terriermon, and maybe sneaking a quick peck on the cheek with Takato. "If it's any reassurance, I won't tell anyone and my respect for you hasn't lowered."

"It must not have been very high to begin with, then." Thankfully, Ryo's voice had taken on lighter quality. "Anything else?"

"I don't suppose you're a switch, are you," Jianliang asked. Vaguely he wondered why he was still trying, but he _did_ still like Ryo, even if the older man did have a kink that struck him as kind of creepy.

Ryo looked a bit befuddled for the moment. "Actually, I am. Milek isn't, though, so I haven't had much experience with the other roles."

If Ryo responded best to aggression, then he would simply have to play by those rules. Rather tired of being alone, irate over the fact that someone like Millenniumon could give Ryo what no one else would, frustrated that his feelings went unrecognized, Jianliang was quite willing to give in to his own desires. He steeled himself and slipped unusually close to Ryo. "I can't offer you what _he_ does, but would you like some practice in the one thing he won't allow you?"

"Er." Utterly baffled now, Ryo couldn't really offer up anything in the way of intelligent conversation for awhile. "Since when did you..?"

Not bothering to answer, Jianliang leaned forward to pressed his lips against Ryo's and was only somewhat surprised when the older man returned the favor. Apparently he _did_ use the right amount of aggression after all. One thing led to another, and eventually they pulled apart before things went too far for a rather awkward place like this.

As before, Jianliang followed silently as Ryo led the way to a nearby inn. Right, so the majority of the tasks he had come here to complete had ended in failure. While he knew what was going on now, Ryo and Millenniumon would not part while they needed what only the other could give them. However, Jianliang rather hoped their agreement was of a purely business nature, and Ryo would have stopped things earlier if 'cheating' was disallowed. And, at least for now, one moment of perfect beauty was worth more than having never gone through this at all.

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- Note: All due apologies to JMS, whose "One moment of perfect beauty" line I stole from his "Babylon 5."

There's one last chapter/epilogue for this fic, which I hope to have at least partially done before NaNoWriMo season.


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